By Daniella Doon-Joseph | Accredited Psychotherapist at Laura Greenwood Therapy, edited by Laura Greenwood, fierce advocate for telling the untold stories of parenthood
There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that allergy parents know well.
It’s not just tiredness – it’s the weight of constant vigilance.
The scanning of every label. The phone call to the restaurant before you even think about booking. The quiet dread before every birthday party or school trip. The mental load that never seems to switch off.
If this resonates with you, I just want to take a moment to let you know that what you’re carrying is real, it is heavy, and you are not alone.
I know this not just as a therapist, but as an allergy parent myself. One of my daughters has food allergies (dairy, eggs, peanuts and tree nuts).
I’ve stood in supermarket aisles reading labels. Baked cupcakes at 11 pm for the school bake sale.
I know how frustrating it is each time someone says, “But a little won’t hurt”.
An emotional rollercoaster — from the very beginning
From those early days when your Spidey sense tells you something’s not right here, to the diagnosis journey, to navigating social events and allergy plans with schools — allergy parenting is an emotional rollercoaster.
And I want you to remember this: you’re never travelling alone.
Anxiety, grief, relief, anger, guilt, jealousy and joy all join you on this journey.
So, I thought we could name them together because they all deserve to be seen.
Anxiety shows up before you even have a diagnosis. It’s the rash that keeps returning, a reaction you can’t explain, a gut feeling that something isn’t right. Even once you have answers, that low hum of worry doesn’t always quieten. Your nervous system learns to stay on high alert, even when the danger isn’t present.
Grief is quieter and cumulative. It’s the birthday cake your child can’t eat. The spontaneous ice cream on a day out requires a label check first. The carefree parenting experience you imagined – where you could just leave the house with your phone and wallet. That grief is real, and it’s important we notice it, name it and make space for it.
Relief can arrive with the diagnosis. I wasn’t imagining it. My instincts were right. Finally being heard. Finally, having an answer. Finally, having a plan.
It is a valid and important part of this journey too.
Anger is a feeling that we tend to want to push down, run away from, but it’s a normal human emotion. It can be that we feel angry with the hand we’ve been dealt, or maybe anger at people who say unkind or inconsiderate things, or maybe feeling angry when our children are excluded.
We hurt where we care, and we care where we hurt. It’s okay if you notice feelings of anger join you.
Guilt is a frequent companion.
Did I check thoroughly enough? What if I missed something? Did I do something wrong?
If you’ve lain awake replaying moments, wondering what you could have done differently – I see you. You are doing an extraordinary job. Remember to give yourself credit.
Jealousy can feel uncomfortable to admit, but it’s more common than you think. Watching another parent hand their child a snack without a second thought. That quiet pang of I wish it could be that simple for us is not something to be ashamed of. It’s a very human response.
Joy is here too. The pride when your child confidently says, “I can’t eat that, but it’s okay.” The relief-tinged delight after a safe meal out, a successful school trip, a birthday party navigated well.
These moments matter deeply.
You are allowed to find this hard
In my therapy room, I meet allergy parents and adults living with food allergies who have minimised their distress for so long they’ve forgotten they’re allowed to struggle. Your feelings are valid. I see what you carry every day, and I know the thoughtful, loving things you do to create inclusive and magical moments.
Some gentle practices to support yourself:
- Name what you’re feeling — simply naming an emotion can begin to loosen its grip
- Find your people — allergy parent communities, online or in person, can be a lifeline
- Be here now — when your mind races, gently come back to your breath, right now, in this moment
- Celebrate the wins — the safe meal out, the allergy-friendly cake that was actually delicious. These moments are worth marking
- Seek support — if anxiety or low mood are getting in the way of living fully, please don’t wait until you’re running on empty. Therapy, particularly CBT and ACT, can help you learn how to navigate the tricky feelings and thoughts so you can live a richer and more meaningful life alongside food allergies, rather than in the shadow of them.
Signposting
Here are some trusted and supportive organisations where you may find additional information to guide you on your allergy parenting journey.
Please reach out to us if you need support
Daniella x
