I am not a runner
I actually, in the main, dislike running
AND today, I went for a run
“On trusting the pull – doing things that make no sense, for reasons that make every sense”
A personal blog by Laura Greenwood
The ‘why’ doesn’t always come straight away
I am not a runner, yet occasionally, I feel the urge to go for a run.
This experience, for sometime has confused me. This feeling and reflection reminds me so much of the clients that walk through my therapy door wanting answers to questions they are struggling to answer. The why. The truth is that the whys often come gradually, over time. The understanding of feelings. Experiences. The ones that defy logic. Yes, we can explain them away with psychological theories. But what we are truly seeking is to feel we know the answer with every part of our being. That, no theory, no single self-help book, sometimes not even one course of treatment, can teach us.
It comes over time.
As the knowledge sets in.
As we take time to unconsciously ponder and process things without realising this is what we are doing. When we are sleeping. Walking. Running. Brushing our teeth. Taking a shower. Daydreaming. Going about our day.
This reflection today, I believe, came from years of pondering. Years of knowledge of the combination of psychological, spiritual teaching and lived wisdom…the reading of a book that I highly recommend and will mention below, and the bilateral stimulation* of the run that I went on today.
(*Clients past and present will know exactly what I mean by bilateral stimulation, but for those that don’t, it is rhythmic left-right movement that helps the brain process emotion that we use in EMDR therapy.)
The problem with only doing things for goals
We spent our lives chasing goals and dreams, seeing the steps in front of us to reach that goal, to the point where we forget that sometimes, it is wonderful to just do something, for the sake of doing it. No end goal in mind.
I am never going to run a marathon. The idea of it repulses me, and I wholly admire anyone who decides to take on such a goal. I have flat feet that make running long distances repeatedly painful, and before anyone thinks insoles are the answer, I tried it, got the underfoot blisters to tell the tale, not for me.
For years, I thought there was no point in me going for a run because I was never going to be a ‘runner’, yet occasionally, I would feel what I now know is my intuition telling me to go for a run. Or I got the weird sensation that I actually wanted to! I say weird because, genuinely, I really do not enjoy running. So I didn’t follow the nudge. Until now.
Because what if the answer is not to always do things either for end goals, or even for enjoyment? Maybe it is just because that intuitive nudge in that moment is a part of us that knows there is something about that exact activity, in that moment, that is going to gift us something we need.
Emotional regulation.
Connection to nature.
Feeling the sun on your skin.
Sweating out toxins.
Recognising that you can do things that you find difficult, or even painful, if you need to.
The reflective, creative download and insight you have been looking for. For me, today, this blog.
Trust & Freedom: my focus words
For the past few years, I have created a focus word for my year. I encourage all my clients and close friends to do the same. Last year, mine was TRUST. This year, it is FREEDOM.
I have been learning to trust myself, my body, my instinct, more and more, after societal and relational gaslighting for years that I believe all women have experienced. I am learning what freedom truly means for me.
Today, the act of following that intuitive nudge to go for a run encapsulates both trust and freedom. I trusted myself to know that, even though I disliked running, there was something from that activity I needed today. The fact that I could choose to do that and actually, get to choose most of the ways I spend my life now felt free.
The cold water parallel
Any of you who have been following me for some time will know that I, and I would actually class myself as this because I do it often enough, am a wild cold dipper, occasional swimmer if it isn’t too Baltic. I have an interesting relationship with this activity. I love it. I truly do. Yet, almost every time, especially in the colder months, I question my life choices until the benefit kicks in. It is genuinely one of the activities that I know will always regulate my dysregulated nervous system.
If I listened to and followed the part of me that thought ‘I don’t want to do this’, ‘oh god, this is going to be tough! Painful. Awful!’…then I wouldn’t get the benefit that I know comes as a result of this, what many call a strange activity.
Read about my wild swimming here
Key Reflections
So what are my key reflections I want you to ponder on in reading this?
That when we get off the rat race of constant ‘achievement’ and ‘productivity’…get into our body to listen to our intuition…what we find is it tells us exactly what we need, as opposed to what we think we should do or need.
That life, joy and love are passing us by as we focus on all the things we should be doing, and achieving within our lifetime.
That life is lived in the now. Not in the future. That goal, that dream, yes, please do keep following it…but remember, to enjoy what you also have, right now. Because I bet right now, was once just a dream to you too. Stop chasing for a moment. Start being and feeling.
That the benefit we need is not always to ‘feel good’…but to feel or experience something way more profound! Genuinely, our deepest learnings and insights often come from pain.
Some questions for you to ponder…
Can you, too, reflect on an intuitive nudge to do something that made absolutely no sense to you at the time, that you followed, and got to understand why that nudge came over you? What was the benefit?
If you haven’t…please, if you can, follow it next time, and tell me the story. I would genuinely love to hear it.
What are you putting off doing, because it feels like there is no point in doing it unless there is an end goal or you are ‘good’ at something?
What can you do today, just for the hell of it?
(It is worth mentioning here, I have been pondering for some time, creating a closed community of like-minded mothers, who want to ponder the deeper questions of who they are and how they want to live their lost authentic life, whilst being supported and guided by me and my wisdom…would you join it? I am in the process of gathering a sense of how many of my soul tribe would be interested in this. If you are, I would love to hear from you on contact@lauragreenwoodtherapy.com)
Laura x
Book recommendation
Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mere Mortals – by Oliver Burkeman
What I loved about it? The critical lens of ‘making the most of our time’…a time management book like no other. I devoured every section…even if my ego didn’t like the part about in the grand scheme of things, the universe doesn’t care what you do. An interesting internal experience for me to ponder, which made me recognise how much I had personally identified with that it did! I suppose what it helped me to see is, yes, absolutely, what we do each day in this world matters. To ourselves, the people around us, and who we serve. But we need to take the pressure off ourselves to leave a lasting legacy. So I still absolutely believe the universe has my back, and if I give good to the world, the world will give good to me. I also think it is humbling to recognise that just being a good person, focusing on living and enjoying your life in the present moment, is enough.
Make and work towards the dreams, yes. But live. Live now.
If you do the things you want to do, awesome. If you don’t, you haven’t failed. The world or your world will not end as a result of it.
