We all have a clear expectation and awareness that when a baby is born, they are learning to do everything but the natural reflexes they are born with. As a Mother, Father, we are their supporter, their guide, their teacher.
But where is ours? Where is our guide, supporter, teacher? Because when a baby is born, so too is a Mother, a Father.
When I was pregnant I remember being taught how to change a nappy, feed my baby, bath my baby, care for the needs of my baby…but what about MY needs through this process? What about the support that teaching that I need in learning how to be a Mother, which is so much more than the actions we take to physical care for our children?
There is a common misconception. One which I also held. That when you become a Mother, instinct tells you what to do because being a Mother is ‘natural’. Well, I quickly realised that this was not the case! I questioned myself as a Mother because I was under the impression that I ‘should’ just know what to do. So of course there must be something wrong with me…maybe I should never have become a Mother.
I now know that there was nothing wrong with my and my Mothering. I realise that I was always meant to be a Mother and to do it my way. There is no right way, only your way.
The expectation that Mothering is natural and we should all know what to do in every given moment when we are learning something completely new is not only false, it is dangerous. Dangerous for our sense of self, for our mental health and for that of our children.
So Mothers, Fathers, be kind to yourself. You are learning the most challenging role of them all. There is no right or perfect way. Only the way that works for you and your family. Trust the process. Trust in yourself.
When you allow yourself to be human. To make mistakes and forgive yourself for them…you treat yourself with the same respect that you do your children. What a wonderful gift to both yourself, and to them.
All my love,