In this powerful guest blog by Financial Advisor Naj Devgun, written for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, we explore how emotions and finances are deeply connected—and why it’s OK and perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed.
Naj introduces the concept of the Money Manifesto; a reflective tool to help you understand your financial values, emotional drivers, and personal boundaries with money.
Plus, you can access some FREE tools to support mindful money management and improve conversations about finances with your partner.
Money Management for Parents
Whether we are aware of it or not, we all have a relationship with money.
Your relationship with money changes with every shift in your circumstances and your identity. Money touches nearly every aspect of our lives, and becoming a parent is the most profound shift in identity anyone can go through, so as you can imagine, challenges related to it during parenthood are almost universal!
In a recent survey, 83% of parents felt that rising living costs have made it harder to be a parent. It’s okay to admit that the financial burden of having children can scare you. It has been enough for parents to make the decision to keep their family smaller, to manage. Even if this was not part of the original plan.
Emotions are powerful. As a result, they can distort how we see reality. These emotions may include joy, happiness, and excitement. Also, grief and fear.
We have a tricky relationship with emotions, and so many of us may try to avoid them. The challenge is, they can come out in other ways.
For example, if you are scared about your finances, you may start to resent your partner’s spending habits. This resentment can lead to arguments and a slow breakdown in the connection you share together.
Writing a Money Manifesto
Writing your own ‘Money Manifesto’ is an exercise I routinely do with my clients.
What is it, you ask?
It’s not a budget; it’s a set of values and principles about your personal finances.
Good things to include are your financial goals, your emotional attachment to money and debt, your attitude to savings and investments, and your money boundaries.
Money boundaries do not just include external boundaries with other people; they also include the internal boundaries you set for yourself.
Just to clarify, your financial goals are yours and yours to own. Watch out for the natural tendency to create goals based on what society tells you that you should want. Try to write your goals from the heart. Your emotional attachment to money and debt will come from the stories you grew up learning and believing about these concepts, from family, friends, and society. Boundaries are the limits you get to set that work for you, and they are personal to you.
Once you’ve done this, compare your spending decisions to your money manifesto.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, especially if it feels like your manifesto is a far cry from your reality. The first step towards change and moving towards what is right for you is awareness.
If you are interested in some FREE tools I have available to help you with this, use the linkat the end of this article!
Talking About Money with Your Partner
I frequently speak to individuals about how to discuss finances with their partners.
You can ask your partner to complete the exercises I discussed above so you can compare. You may have some similarities, but there will also likely be differences, which is where the conflict arises, especially so if this is unconscious to us.
Launching straight into a conversation on finances is never a good idea without some prior warning. Your partner may feel like they are being ambushed.
So, consider agreeing with your partner about the conversation you want to have and decide when would be a good time for this. Whilst there is never a perfect time, there is definitely a wrong one! For example, try not to have a complex discussion about your money when you are both exhausted and running on empty. Hard to find a time outside of this thought right when you have young kids?
It’s a good idea to write down the points you want to say, any issues that can be resolved, and some possible compromises.
There are no winners and losers, you are aiming to be stronger together than you are alone. You want to be on the same ‘team’ with each other and your family.
64% of new parents said they were unprepared for the ongoing expense of having children.
There are lots of free resources available online, and one of my personal favourites is the money helper tools – https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/becoming-a-parent/baby-costs-calculator.
I hope that you have found some value in this article. Financial planning and wellbeing is my bread and butter, and as a father of two, I completely understand the challenges you face as parents in managing your finances.
If you would like to talk more about how I could support you and your family with any of the themes discussed above, planning for your now, yours and your family’s future, please do reach out to me on the details below.
Naj
M: 07475 541 278
E: hello@2020fp.co.uk
20:20 Financial Planning Ltd is an appointed representative of The Openwork Partnership, a trading style of Openwork Limited which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority.
Approved by The Openwork Partnership on 30/04/2025
Written by Naj Devgun, edited by Laura Greenwood for the Laura Greenwood Therapy community
