Relationship breakdown is tough. Plus, when children are involved, it brings a whole new layer of complexity.
Here, our very own Laura B shares her personal tips on how she managed this transition in the best way for her and her boys.
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Co-parenting can feel overwhelming, emotional, and confusing, especially in the early days. But with the right tools, boundaries, and mindset, it is possible to create a co-parenting dynamic that prioritises the well-being of your children and respects your emotional needs as a parent too.
Here are my top tips for navigating co-parenting after a separation, rooted in compassion, clarity, and what’s best for everyone involved.
- Create a Parenting Plan (and stick to it)
A parenting plan isn’t just for legal purposes — it’s a vital tool for creating structure and consistency for your children. When emotions run high, a plan helps avoid conflict and confusion.
Your plan can include:
- Weekly routines and handover times
- Agreements on school holidays and birthdays
- Rules around bedtime, discipline, screen time, etc.
- How you’ll communicate about changes or emergencies
Children thrive on stability. The more consistent the expectations are between homes, the safer and more secure they’ll feel. When relationships are strained, children often experience increased anxiety, changes in behaviour, and difficulties at school, but a clear plan can ease their worries and help them settle more easily into their new reality.
- Set (and protect) your boundaries
Co-parenting effectively doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with your ex. You’re allowed to set boundaries around what you’re comfortable with — emotionally, practically, and personally.
This might look like:
- Agreeing to only discuss child-related matters
- Choosing your preferred method of communication (e.g., email or messaging apps)
- Not discussing personal relationships or past issues
- Having clear rules around visits to your home or spontaneous contact
Remember: boundaries are not about creating distance out of spite, they’re about protecting your peace and creating a respectful co-parenting space.
- Keep communication child-focused and respectful
It’s easy for old wounds to surface, especially in the early stages of separation. However, keeping communication focused on the children helps keep things constructive.
- Avoid emotional or accusatory language
- Use “I” statements rather than “you always”
- Be clear and specific with requests
- Keep conversations focused on solutions, not blame
If communication is difficult, there are tools that can help — from co-parenting apps (like OurFamilyWizard or 2houses) to mediation services for support in conflict resolution.
- Don’t involve the children in adult matters
Children are incredibly perceptive, and they’ll pick up on tension even if you don’t say a word. Shielding them from adult conflict is one of the most powerful things you can do for their emotional health.
- Don’t speak negatively about your co-parent in front of them
- Avoid using your children as messengers or go-betweens
- Reassure them that both parents love them and are working together for their wellbeing
Be honest with your children in an age-appropriate way. If they don’t know what’s happening, they might imagine worst-case scenarios. It’s okay to say, “We’re living in different houses now, but we both love you very much and that will never change.”
Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Encourage them to express their feelings, ask questions, and talk about their emotions. Remind them they haven’t been abandoned and that it’s safe to love both parents. Celebrate what they do at each home, helping them feel truly “at home” in both places.
- Look after your own mental health
This journey is just as emotional for you as it is for your children. You’re adjusting to a new reality while trying to keep everything together — it’s a lot. Make space for your own emotional needs.
- Seek support from a therapist or support group
- Lean on trusted friends and family
- Build routines that help you recharge — movement, rest, hobbies
- Give yourself permission to grieve, process, and heal
Remember: the more grounded and well you are, the more you’ll be able to support your children.
- Be open to adapting as your children grow
Co-parenting isn’t static. Your children’s needs will evolve as they grow, and so will the arrangements that work best for your family.
- Revisit your parenting plan annually or after major life changes
- Be willing to compromise where it benefits the children
- Keep an open mind and heart, even when it feels hard
Flexibility, patience, and ongoing communication are key ingredients in long-term co-parenting success.
Final Thoughts…
Co-parenting isn’t easy, but it can become a space of stability, growth, and even healing for both you and your children. Focus on what you can control, take care of yourself, and lead with love, not fear. You don’t have to get it perfect. You just need to stay committed to what matters most: your children’s emotional well-being.
And if you’re finding things particularly difficult, please remember — you don’t have to do this alone. Support from a professional can make all the difference as you learn to co-parent with clarity and confidence.
Know, as a team, we are here to serve and support you. In whatever way we can.
Laura & team LGT x
