Written by – Laura Batchelor – Chief Operating Officer – Team LGT
My eldest son has turned 10! WOW! So many emotions are running through my head. What a rollercoaster it has been, from the moment he was born. I have felt every emotion going. Love, fear, sadness, loneliness, worry, elation, vulnerability, insecurity, guilt, exhaustion, gratefulness but most of all… pride. Pride in him and pride in myself.
Becoming Mum
I didn’t find the transition into being a Mum very easy. I had a long birth, and it wasn’t how I had expected it to be. 36 long hours in labour, ending up with an epidural and episiotomy. I spent 4 lonely nights in the hospital with him, as he struggled to latch on, and the nurses supported me. I found breastfeeding so incredibly difficult, but I persevered as I felt the societal pressures and didn’t want to disappoint anyone. That was my first real WOW experience of feeling insecure and wondering how on earth I was going to cope with being a Mother. Eventually, things seemed to click, and we had a nice few months when I was on maternity leave. We did the coffee meet-ups and lunches and I had lots of support from friends and family.
Returning to Work
I went back to work when Joshua was 9 months old and WOW, did I come back down to earth! I had a pretty stressful job as an Account Director in a big marketing agency with a long commute and I realised I just couldn’t make being a Mum and being in that position work for me. But I ploughed on for another year, not really able to put one hundred percent effort into anything and wondering
Why can’t I cope?
Growing The Family…Going From 1 to 2
I always wanted two children so we decided it was the right time to have a second and just after Joshua’s second birthday, I gave birth to Jackson. Another WOW moment for me… having two was an absolute game changer that, again, I wasn’t really expecting. I wasn’t prepared for how hard it was going to be looking after two almost under two and the lack of sleep was a killer. I honestly felt like a walking zombie for a good few years.
Making Work ‘Fit In’ and Feeling Like a ‘Failure’ in All Areas
I decided I wanted a job closer to home with more flexible hours, so when Jackson turned one, I got a job at a smaller marketing agency much closer to home. I worked there for almost 3 years, and I can honestly say it was such a good decision. I worked 3 days a week, spending the other days with my boys and finally felt like I had the right balance. When Joshua started school and I felt like I had more mental capacity I went up to 4 days a week and managed to juggle the best I could. It wasn’t easy, but it was easier having a boss who herself had kids and knew what it was like to want to attend school nativities, allowing for last-minute doctors’ appointments etc. I still never felt truly present anywhere though. When I was Mum, I was thinking about work and when I was at work I was wondering if the boys were ok. WOW, my expectations of being a working Mum were so different to the reality. The once ‘unflappable’ Laura suddenly stressed about little things and felt a huge push and pull all the time. I developed a massive fear of failure. Failing at work, failing the boys and failing at my marriage. I was constantly tired and felt anxious, with constant worry, feelings of guilt, always second guessing my decisions and overthinking everything.
The Inner Split: Who Am I Now, That I Am a Mum?
I knew something wasn’t right and I knew I was struggling and needed to create some space. I went from being someone who was independent to having 2 children who relied on me 24/7. I went from having my own routine to having my routine dictated by someone else’s needs. I went from being so confident in who I was, to not even knowing who I was anymore. I thought I was ready for motherhood, but in actual fact I completely underestimated it and wasn’t prepared at all for the changes. With all this going on and my marriage failing in the background I decided to quit my job and set up on my own. I knew I needed something more flexible, to fit around school hours, allow me more head space and allow me to make my own decisions without letting anyone down or feeling guilty. I got my first few clients through social media and word of mouth and have been successfully supporting clients since. WOW, I really could do it on my own!
Reaching Out for Support: Starting to Find ME Again
After making it through a year of lockdown, I decided I needed more support with how I was feeling. I decided to reach out to an old client of mine, Kelly Thistlethwaite, also now a team member of Laura Greenwood Therapy, for some coaching and support. This was possibly my biggest WOW moment. I had many sessions with her, talking through my experiences, and working through a lot of old wounds. I realised that it wasn’t my fault. That becoming a mother is a huge identity shift and that we go through so many emotional, physical, and psychological changes after the birth of our children and that is known as Matrescence. There is a word for it! Knowing this in itself made me feel lighter, made me feel seen, heard and ‘normal’. No wonder I wasn’t coping… and I certainly wasn’t failing. Kelly helped me reflect, plan and move forward. She helped me realise the type of Mum I wanted to be and how to make sure I asked for the support I needed. Reaching out for help and being honest with myself changed my life.
Fast forward 4 years, and I am happily divorced, successfully co-parenting, happily partnered up with the most amazing man and my two boys are now 10 and almost 8 years old. I know who I am again, and I am confident that I am giving my boys all they need and most importantly, I know where to go when I need help.
Finding My Purpose
I was lucky enough to meet the amazing Laura a few years ago at a maternal anxiety session she ran at The Nest, and we got on like a house on fire. She needed some help with marketing, and I had made it my mission to work with clients whose own mission it was to support other people. WOW, a match made in heaven! I’ve used my own parenting and mothering challenges to help me get closer to where I want to be professionally. I am so passionate about helping other women and parents in their own journeys and working for Laura is helping her spread that word. Now as Chief Operating Officer of Laura Greenwood Therapy, I guess you can say I am living and breathing my passion 😊
We’re expanding Laura’s reach by helping women through her signature course, Finding YOURSELF Through Motherhood and offering more 121 sessions through the team we are creating. We’re also taking Laura’s clinical experience, support and advice into businesses to help them support their parent and parent-to-be employees. Something we could all benefit from! I certainly would have.
My Takeaway: We All Need Support
If there is one takeaway from all of my WOW moments, it is that we all need support. No matter what we do. No matter what our background is, our profession, age, or stage in our parenting journey. Reaching out for help is not failing. It is the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. Becoming a Mum has helped me realise my purpose, both in life in general and in my career.
So, if you are struggling, my invitation to you is to reach out…
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step in your life.
Laura B x
