A personal blog written by Katy Collins, a Children & Young Person Psychotherapist at Laura Greenwood Therapy
Edited by Laura Greenwood, Founder, Clinical Lead, and activist committed to sharing the untold stories of parenthood
At Laura Greenwood Therapy, we support many families as they navigate the complexities of the SEND system. Stories like Katy’s highlight the importance of understanding, flexibility and advocacy for neurodivergent young people. They also shine a light on the often unseen experience of parents. Balancing love, determination and exhaustion as they advocate for their child within systems that don’t always meet their needs.
A Parent’s Perspective
I am writing this piece about our journey through mainstream education, to alternative provision, to an EHCP, and now to transition to college, about our wonderful son.
At times, it has felt like an impossible task. I know we are not the only parents in such a difficult situation—loving a child deeply while navigating an education system that simply does not fit them.
Our son has been diagnosed with a number of difficulties, most recently ADHD.
Early School Years: When Support Makes a Difference
Like many parents may recognise, primary and junior school were fantastic. The environment was nurturing, his teachers loved him, and they made accommodations where they could.
However, the signs of his difficulties were already there, and perhaps those accommodations came later than they might have.
He was diagnosed with dyslexia when he was ten. Soon after, the school gave him a tablet to work on, and just a few days later, he received his first Headteacher’s Award for writing; proving how brilliant he is at English.
At parents’ evening, while we were looking through his work, he said something that has stayed with me ever since:
“Mum, if you looked at my writing, you wouldn’t think I was clever.”
My heart still hurts thinking about that. He is one of the most intelligent people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Yet without the right support and accommodations, he struggled enormously.
Secondary School: When the System Stops Fitting
The first year of mainstream secondary school was OK-ish. Toward the end of the year, however, the detentions and isolations began.
As parents, we reacted badly at first. We grounded him, took away his electronics, and shouted. We are not under any illusion that some of his behaviour is a choice, but a great deal of it came from how difficult he found functioning in a mainstream classroom.
Some teachers understandably struggled with him. He challenged authority, and things escalated to the point where he was in isolation most days.
We were receiving five or six phone calls a day, alongside emails describing each new infraction. It was relentless. We were trying to hold down full-time jobs while navigating constant crises. One memorable phone call asked me to ring him because he was hiding somewhere in school, and they hoped I could persuade him to come out.
It was exhausting for everyone involved.
The Tipping Point
Eventually, the situation deteriorated further.
When the school spoke to the rest of his class about their GCSE options, they didn’t speak to him at all. It was very clear they did not expect him to be there for GCSEs.
For a young person with ADHD, rejection can feel especially painful. This moment was the tipping point for my son.
If they didn’t want him there, he would make sure he was thrown out.
He wasn’t, just, but the final day we went in together felt heartbreaking. Staff went through the motions of helping him choose GCSE options while he sat there vibrating with fury and sadness.
I took him home that day. Later, he punched a hole in his wardrobe.
And that was the end of his mainstream education.
A Different Environment: Alternative Provision
Our son then moved to an alternative provision, and I cannot praise them highly enough.
The setting suits him perfectly. Their approach is relational, and the staff genuinely see the young people in their care.
They have told us many times what a wonderful young man he is, yes, with his difficulties, but fundamentally a good kid.
We always knew this, of course. But hearing it from an education setting has been incredibly healing.
He now attends a vocational day that he absolutely loves. In fact, he even gets to school early, something that would have been unheard of in the past.
Navigating the EHCP System
The process of securing an EHCP has been another wild ride.
Even though I work in the mental health system, it was incredibly difficult to navigate. I cannot imagine how overwhelming this process must feel for parents without knowledge of the system.
Fighting appeals, gathering evidence, and navigating the bureaucracy felt almost like a full-time job.
Eventually, he was granted his EHCP. Since then, the review and transition process for moving to college has been exceptional.
For the first time, it truly feels like he will be supported as he moves toward adulthood, which, when you think about it, isn’t a lot to ask.
To Parents Walking This Path
If you are a parent struggling with similar experiences, please know this:
You are not alone.
Reaching out for support can make a huge difference. SENDIASS were absolutely fantastic in supporting us through the EHCP process.
Recent policy discussions around keeping more children with SEND in mainstream settings have left many parents feeling anxious. For our son, mainstream simply would not have worked.
Every child is different. What matters most is finding the environment where they can thrive.
The Reality of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child
Parenting a child with additional needs can be exhausting, exasperating, challenging, and maddening.
And sometimes those feelings are directed more at the systems and adults around your child than at your child themselves.
But it is also hilarious, rewarding, heartbreaking, and filled with moments of immense pride.
Our son is one of the funniest, kindest, quickest-witted people I know.
All he needed was the right support to show his true potential.
